Have you ever tried to do a deep dive into yourself?
For all my clients, we have a consultation to talk about their needs and vision. One of the first questions I’ll ask is, “What is your joy?” What lights you up? What gets you out of bed in the morning? Any similar question that allows the person to share the outlets in their life that show contentment and help remove secondary identities, such as job or family obligations.
As a recovering people pleaser, it’s very hard to figure out what makes you happy, what you prefer, what lights you up, especially if you’re in the business of doing for others most of the time.
TOPTIA Photography is known for shooting headshots for entrepreneurs, actors, and models. I knew I’d always wanted to continue to create visual affirmations with the people I’d meet in the studio, but deep down, I had been toying with the idea of shooting fashion photography. As a non-fashion person, I’d been mulling over the idea of shooting more fashion, but there were aspects of it that resonated with me.
I went for a walk, trying to piece together what it was about fashion photography and fashion that allured me beyond just “looking pretty.” My book nook is covered top to bottom with fashion and fashion photography books. Some I’ve read cover to cover multiple times, others, I haven’t cracked open once. For a portrait photographer who loves telling stories, there are parts of fashion I saw myself absolutely loving. It takes me to a place that awakens an inner joy.
It wasn’t until I’d started working with Sarah Furuya to help me work out this artist’s block that it finally clicked:
People who feel absolutely empowered by pieces that speak to who they are and give them an inner confidence that could light up the room. Shows like Project Runway and RuPaul’s Drag Race, I could watch at nauseam for this very feeling.
But there is also something else about fashion I would find myself lost in. The material. Specifically, chiffon and chambray.
Any fabric that flows, creates movement, or evokes ethereal spaces, a spiritual flow, or a soulful or cosmic connection between the environment and the subject. I couldn’t get enough of collecting inspiration. Honestly, my Pinterest board looks like a sparkling nebula of elegant people.
If it sparkles or dazzles, if it’s a big, beautiful rainbow, if it’s earthy-toned and flowy, I want to be all in it!
This kind of vibe has a strong place in fashion photography. But it does not necessarily define fashion photography.
This was my ah-ha moment. The moment when my artist block started to wriggle loose. I wondered why I had avoided really accepting and seeking my inner joy of shooting for so long. But many of us go with the flow or placate others at the expense of our own joy. For almost 10 years, I wanted to do what others were doing, what worked for other people’s needs and comfort zones. Beating to my own drum, in Japan, was something that terrified me because (like everyone else), I wanted to fit in.
This quandary reminded me of the Julia Roberts movie, The Runaway Bride. It’s one of my favorite movies of hers, where her character runs away from every fiancé she’s engaged to. Her co-star, Richard Grier, is a reporter researching her for a story. Something that stood out to him was that with every fiancé she was engaged to, she had a different style of how she liked her eggs, alerting him that she didn’t know her own identity and took on the preferences of others around her, which ultimately made her uncomfortable about her upcoming marriage.
That’s what I felt with fashion photography and even family photography. I’d been struggling with trying to find a place based on what worked for others for so long. I lingered on overlapping feelings that I enjoyed but ultimately did not bring me joy. It didn’t feel right to take the leap. I was following the habits of established fashion, documentary, and family photographers, but something just didn’t feel quite right about making the leap.
Editorial Photography, however, has become my joy.
It’s not fashion photography, but every element, from the fabric to the location, adds to the story. It’s not documentary photography, but I can craft my own enticing story or even amplify my subject’s story. It’s not lifestyle photography, but I can create a moment that evokes authenticity and emotion just as much. Exploring this space of artistry has become my new joy to explore. In tandem with TOPTIA, I can find my joy and express the stories that fill my purpose.
Namibia has been such a great launch pad into this space. There are so many amazing moments and visuals to sort through, but I look forward to taking my time and creating moments that hold space for that artistic voice inside my soul.
